C Section

C is for Children.

It's said that the most important decision you make is who you marry - or, similarly, whether or not to marry, but the people who say that don't typically think about not ever getting married so they don't usually include that in the statement; it's implied nonetheless. Sure, it's a big deal, and a big expense, but it's not irreversible so, although it's pretty damn important to think about who to marry and who to not marry, it can't be the most important decision you make because it can technically be unmade at anytime. Not permanent = not that important, still important though so don't go throwing off your wedding bands, unless you do think your marriage is not important at all, then you probably shouldn't be married, so go ahead.
So if who you marry isn't the most important decision you make in life, what is? Something has to be, right? People make a lot of decisions throughout their lives, one of them has to be the most important, that's just the way important things, and an obsession with ranking, go.
The most important decision you will ever make in your life is whether or not to have kids, then the subsequent question of how many, which, I guess, would make the list as the second most important decision, and third and fourth and fifth, depending on how many kids you have. After the fifth it's really not a decision anymore, you're locked in and keep popping out babies because you've forgotten how to do anything else other than cry. It isn't said that this is the most important decision though, because some (maybe a lot, I don't really know the figures) people don't even think about it or decide to do it. It's not even a decision that is made, it just happens because they're irresponsible and got raped or have bad luck and the condom broke, so, for these, it can't be the most important decision made, but it should have been.
There are a few reasons why having a baby is the most important decision in life and why it outranks marriage.

1. Irreversible/Unchangeable (I'm trying for Cs). In marriage, what is made - a married couple - can be unmade - into a divorced couple. But in childbirth, what is made - a baby - can not be unmade, unless you kill it, but after it's born most people don't go to that length to unmake it. Once you make the baby decision you're stuck with it. It's your child and you're the parent, and parenting is forever. Sure, people used to think (and some still do) marriage was an irreversible decision which is probably how the question of who to marry secured the spot as the most important decision for so long, but even those people, then and now, know that it isn't permanent. People die in plane crashes, car collisions even more often. You could lose your spouse, and if things were going sour you could leave or swap, and even make it on television while doing so. Even if you lose your baby, you're still a parent, just a very bad one. How do you lose your baby?! (I would probably end up losing my baby. They are tiny and so silent when they're sleeping. And I lose my keys often as it is.)

2. Creation. When/If you make the decision to make, have, keep a baby you are not just making a decision, you're making a life too. When you get married you make a 'new life' together with your spouse, but no one really cares. You two can sit in your living room and watch The Bachelor until one of you cheats, that's not a life other people in the world are worried about. But a baby's life, that gets people worried, that life has potential. A baby is a life that is going to affect your life, its life, and the lives of other people. There are other people in the world too, that this baby is going to interact with and wail in restaurants around and annoy, and then grow up and still be really irritating because you didn't give them enough attention as a child. Think of the others, there are a hell of a lot of them already. If you don't think making a life is a big decision, maybe you have the mind of a serial killer (making a life doesn't matter, taking can't be that important either), and I don't want you passing those demented genes onto children. We have enough of those already. What if you give birth to a serial killer baby (that'd be pretty impressive for a baby to pull off but you know it would never get caught. No one ever suspects the baby.)? Would you like that on your conscience (assuming you have one, what kind of person gives birth to a serial killer? Likely not one with a conscience) for the rest of your life? After all, the baby is a little bit you. You'd probably feel like rubbish about bringing another killer into the world or a cult leader who turns other children against their parents and tries to kill you.

3. Controlling. Babies are little creatures which enter your life and take control of it and you can never get it back, even when they leave, they'll return and they'll come back with babies of their own and trick you into taking care of those babies too. It's a cycle. A cycle you need to think long and hard about before entering. The child(ren) will influence every other decision you make causing it to become the mother of all decisions and thus making it the most important decision ever. After you make the decision to have a baby, you can't make any other decision without considering the child or you're a bad mother/father and child protective services might come knocking on your door (depending on how bad the decisions you're making are). The child depends on your. Your husband or wife doesn't really need you in order to breathe, eat and live (unless you married a baby in which case - gross and possibly illegal), but a baby does. A baby controls your life by being so needy and one misstep and it's dead. No one is going to come knocking at your door if you piss of your husband or wife, unless you pissed them off by punching them in the face. Remember, you can't punch your baby.

4. Incompetent/Incapable. You can't make a baby. You don't know how to raise a baby. You've never created and sustained the life of a living being before, what makes you think you can just pop out a baby and start now? Even if you think you'll be a good parent, you won't be. Being a parent is an impossible thing to succeed at. There's always something you can do wrong and a new one will be released next week, so don't bother. You'll mess up and feel like shit about it, or maybe you won't, which is just another way of messing up. Your children will inevitably disappoint you. They will not become doctors (unless you're Jewish) and they will not make millions of dollars (unless you're Jewish). Sure, maybe physically you can have a baby, but you can't really have a baby. It's not a good idea to decide to do something you're going to fail at.

5. Creepy. Having a baby is a really creepy thing to do. Taking a bit of you and mixing it around with a little bit of someone else is a creepy idea and a very disturbing impulse to have. It's a little bit vampire and a little bit Dr. Frankenstein, and whatever you've heard about either, they are not sexy. Even though sex is involved and very intimately involved in the process of making a baby, it's not sexy. You're taking sex and making it something entirely creepy and not the right way by adding school girl bear costumes. Think about this before you make a baby, because it's going to change sex for you and for everyone else around you. Don't remind your friends that if they mess up doing something they really enjoy they could end up with a child. That's going to ruin it for them. That's not what anyone want to hear before they go out to drink copious amounts of alcohol and pick up on chicks (or dicks). Plus, children themselves are creepy. They are miniaturized versions of humans. That is creepy.

5. Change. It's going to change your life. It has to. Yes, marriage changes your life as well, now you have to live with someone and account for all of your expenses and actions but a baby doesn't just change your life it changes you. It's not a positive change. It's a change for the worse. Having children doesn't make you a better person. It just makes you crazy and angry, and usually fat. When you have a baby, you start speaking in little voices. You'll think it's cute to give all of your children the same first initial. Your mind deteriorates a little bit each day you have a child and you forget how to operate in the outside world. And it only gets worse as you and it gets older. That's not change anyone can believe in.

So remember, just because you can make a baby doesn't mean you should make a baby. Think long and hard about it before you decide to ruin your body, life, and the lives of others, including your child(ren). If you're not convinced, go watch all of the Children of the Corn movies. All of them. There are 7.