Sunday, February 28, 2010

Dress a Day - Day 1

D is for Don.

Don I now the Day's apparel - a Dress. For the final week of D weeks I will be wearing a dress a day. Today's dress is brought to you by American Apparel which could have come in handy during A weeks if they had felt compelled to sponsor me by providing me with apparel of American origin. Alas, they did not, maybe next year. To add another D, the picture was taken in front of double doors, while it was dark out
.

Friday, February 26, 2010

D Dilemma.


D is for...

It's Day 5 of D weeks and I'm in a drought of ideas, particularly for D foods.
There just aren't that many.
- Duck (could get pricey eating duck everyday)
- Dates (I'll take as many as I can get but it's tough to make a meal out of them, though expect to see some wrapped in bacon),
- Dips (does that even count as a food?)
- Doughnuts (that'll be a good day, maybe D-shaped ones)
- Dogs, hot (it's a stretch, I know)
- Dill (I don't know if I can handle putting dill on everything, but I'll dare to try)
- Deer (I don't know where to get deer meat)
- Dolphin (probably too smart to be caught and killed but don't they deserve it)
- Dairy? (I do like cheese. It also has a lot of Vitamin D. Double-dose of D!)

I could just eat dinner and dessert for a day, except I'm not much for breakfasts (or at least not waking up early to eat them) and lunch is basically a filler meal anyway so I kind of already do that. I guess I'll just stick to drinking. That's a D I can do.

Here's a list of foods high in Vitamin D that I'm considering dining on. It includes a lot of fish and seafood (not C-foods) and some dumb entries like #18, of course soy milk with added Vitamin D has a lot of Vitamin D in it. They put it in there deliberately. Do you know what else contains a lot of Vitamin D? Vitamin D supplement pills! I wonder why.

Monday, February 22, 2010

D weeks (weeks 7-8)

It's D weeks!
Time for exciting features like the Danger Zone, diabetes, dragons, and of course, dinosaurs.
There may be a few days of experimental (daring?) dieting and dress donning as well.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Sunday, February 21, 2010

C Meal C-quel

C is for Chi-chi-chi-chili.

C-ing as it is C-weeks, though not for much longer, I decided I ought to make chili. So I searched for a chili recipe with the most Cs in it I could find. I came across Chili con Carne topped with Cheddar Cheese and thought, with a C count of 5, that would do just find. I added some cornbread on the side for an additional C. Total C count: 6.


Chili con Carne topped with Cheese: A- The chili recipe was pretty straight forward and contained some valuables ces in it as well, including carrots, chili powder, cumin and I added cayenne as well. The result was tasty with a pleasant but not off-putting amount of heat. The cheese added a nice creamy element to it as it melted into the chili.

Cornbread
: C. Cooking confession: It came from a box. What can I say? Sometimes you find a box of cornbread mix in the cupboards above your counter that you forget you have even though you frequently hit your head on them and think, 'When did I buy this?' or, better, 'Did I even buy this?' I decided to make it because it's not everyday you find mystery cornbread in your cupboards that the previous owners of the house may have bought and not used before they died. It was pretty standard cornbread and actually not terrible to eat, but I have to give myself a lower grade since I basically cheated, but, hey, it's C-weeks so that's allowed. I should have been cheating since the start.

Recipe

Friday, February 19, 2010

C List


C is for Could.

I made A list of C things I should probably B doing because they are so thematically appropriate (double or triple Cs) but will not be doing because I am so opposed to them for one reason or multiple.

Listening to the Counting Crows - I can't stand the Counting Crows with their alt-rock-folksy instrumentation and Adam Duritz strange forced soulful, reggae impression of another singer who is also a bad singer.
Eating Cotton Candy - Does anyone really like Cotton Candy? I guess it's novel. Sugar Spun So Fast it Becomes String! Like a side-show Circus act but it just tastes like sugary air and gets really sticky.
Watching Cold Case - I honestly don't know if this is a version of Law & Order or CSI or a complete separate show but they all look the same and I've seen episodes of Law & Order, back in the '90s when it was good and there was only one of them, so I think I've served my time. Case closed.
Dancing the Cha-cha-cha - I don't know how to do this dance and I'm not even entirely sure that it is a dance as much as just one move that you do three times rapidly in sequence. If that's all it is, I can do that, I guess. 1-2...typetypetype. I just typed the cha-cha-cha. Challenge complete.
Calling Collect - I'm not that poor yet and I'm not getting released from jail (they let you use the phone there anyway) so there's really no reason I should call collect. Plus, I know for a fact that anyone I called (parents included) would not accept my call and that would just piss me off and drive me to drink. Then I'd probably end up in jail, but still wouldn't have a need to call collect as much as I would for a whole lot of cash.
Counting Coins - Why would I sit around and count coins? That sounds almost as boring as collecting coins, which I don't do either, at least not intentionally, but often accidentally. I forget when I have change so I never use it and it just accumulates. Come to think of it...I have a lot of coins in my coin canister. I think I will count them and see if they are ready to be turned into cold hard cash. Coinstar, here I come!
Chasing cars - This one is obvious. I'm not a long-distance runner...or a dog.
Camel Caravan - I'm not sure how I would go about getting enough camels for a caravan otherwise I would definitely do this. I know a few people with Corollas so maybe I'll line them up and have them drive around. Or I'll just find a CaraVan. Do they still make those?

That's all I have for now but I'll C if I can think of some more while I'm getting multiple CCs of blood drawn.

C Meal

C is for cookin'.

What's the most romantic food you can think of? Some may say, chocolate covered strawberries. Others, oysters. Or perhaps fondue. What did my particular gentleman caller say? Fried Chicken, and no, he's not black. So I made Fried Chicken for Valentine's Day, spicy fried chicken to be specific, by request. Because buying food and cooking is easier than buying a gift. I added some collard greens to the menu and chipotle cornbread to round out the meal. Luckily enough of the elements started with C that I didn't protest the meal that would most assuredly result in the ever-attractive greasy fingers and mouths, in addition to possible bloating and indigestion and, of course, laziness. I didn't protest because of the predominant Cs and because it's black history month, and if NBC can cook along so can I. Plus, I had a surprisingly competent sous chef. Who knew boys could read and follow a recipe?

C count for the menu: Spicy Fried
Chicken, Slow-Cooked Collard Greens, and Chipotle Cornbread. Cs: 5.

Spicy Fried Chicken:
B +.
The fried chicken turned out better than expected considering my lack of experience and roots to help me out. The batter had some exciting C spices including Cumin and Cayenne, to add some more C-ness to the dish. It was more salty that spicy, but it had a nice kick at the end. Trouble-shooting the frying of the chicken was a pain because I didn't have a thermometer to check the heat of the oil. (I've broken 4 and I'm sick of spending money on them.) and frying each piece one at a time almost caused this to become Day-After-Valentine's-Day-Breakfast but we made it through. For an extra C, there is cilantro sprinkled on the fried chicken. Bringing the 6 count up to 6, or maybe 8 if you count Cayenne and Cumin.

Slow-Cooked Collard Greens
: A+.
Little known fact about me: I love Collard Greens and I have no idea why, but I think they're great, when made properly. I don't even understand what they are exactly aside from large leafy greens that are really fun to clean/destem and taste like nothing when you start cooking them but taste like magic when you're done, provided you add the necessary flavor enhancers. Mine had bacon, onions, celery and peppers in them for added flavor and some spices and salt and pepper of course. I also added some of the sauce from the chipotle peppers for some heat. They even won over my fellow diner, who was opposed to me making them from the start but can't say no to spicy foods. I'm confident he would eat them again. He had seconds, so I guess he already has.

Chipotle Cornbread: A+
Adding minced chipotles to ordinary cornbread not only increased my C count but also added another spicy dish to the menu. It turned out nearly perfect despite a little worry along the way. Ovens can be so difficult to gauge the temperature of. It was crumbly but not too crumbly and have chipotle evenly dispersed throughout.


My plating was sub-par.

Plating: C.
Originality: C.
Use of secret ingredient (letter C): A!
I'm not going to win Iron Chef at this rate.

The pictures are pretty lousy and orange, because I took them with my phone and essentially the same shot at a slightly different angle, because I was hungry, but it gives you an idea. What's that? Excuses don't start with C? No, but complaints sure do. So thanks!

Recipes, if you're curious, or epicurious...
Spicy Fried Chicken
Collard Greens (I added a lot to this recipe and used bacon instead of a ham hock.)
Chipotle Cornbread

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Committee Crime


C is for Competition

Currently, the 2010 Winter Olympics are taking place in Vancouver, Canada and that's awesome. I love the Olympics. They are competitive, nationalistic, ritualistic and, best of all, televised. It's the perfect platform for humans to prove just how insane they are and how awesome they think they are. It's the only perfect thing that man has created and the International Olympic Committee has decided to shit on all that is right and just and pure and perfect about the best global athletic event of every two years by coming up with the YOG.

What's the YOG? The YOUTH Olympic Games. That's right, children. No one wants to watch competitive hopscotch, jump rope and red rover for 2 weeks straight (okay, that might not be that bad), but that's not even what the Youth Olympic Games will consist of. It will have all of the normal events just performed by uncoordinated children. They're letting children participate in the official Olympic events and awarding them medals for their performances. This isn't a game, IOC. This is the Olympic (Games)! I can't believe it. Children. I told you they'd ruin everything. I'm fine with adults gloating and becoming disproportionately proud and confident as a result of winning a medal or even participating in the Olympics, but not children. They don't deserve Olympic status until they are 18 just like legal rights. Let them get good before you put them into the Olympics with the best of the best. And if they're already good, let them get better. It's like the Special Olympics but worse. It's going to be people falling and tumbling and bumbling around (not that I don't like seeing people fall and fail, I do), except at the Special Olympics it's expected, there's no chance those 'challenged' individuals are going to improve, but children can, so let them, and then put them on TV.

Evidently, the IOC decided this in 2007 and didn't even think to consult me or even tell me. They say it's the inspire the youth, but you know what else will inspire the youth? Watching the Olympics on TV and thinking, 'One day I can be on that podium if I'm good enough.' Not telling them they just have to be marginally better than the other kids in their freshman class and a few Chinese kids.

The first Youth Olympic Summer Games is schedule to take place in Singapore in August of this year
with the Winter Games to take place in 2012 in Innsbruck. I suppose it's nice that they're alternating with the normal Olympic Games and providing us with even more "Olympics" to view, but is that really what we need? Doesn't that cheapen it? If we get to view the games not only every 2 years, but twice in those years? I don't know. Am I going to watch it? Probably, if it's on. Am I going to like it? NO, because there are children involved.

C Section


C is for Children.

It's said that the most important decision you make is who you marry - or, similarly, whether or not to marry, but the people who say that don't typically think about not ever getting married so they don't usually include that in the statement; it's implied nonetheless. Sure, it's a big deal, and a big expense, but it's not irreversible so, although it's pretty damn important to think about who to marry and who to not marry, it can't be the most important decision you make because it can technically be unmade at anytime. Not permanent = not that important, still important though so don't go throwing off your wedding bands, unless you do think your marriage is not important at all, then you probably shouldn't be married, so go ahead.
So if who you marry isn't the most important decision you make in life, what is? Something has to be, right? People make a lot of decisions throughout their lives, one of them has to be the most important, that's just the way important things, and an obsession with ranking, go.
The most important decision you will ever make in your life is whether or not to have kids, then the subsequent question of how many, which, I guess, would make the list as the second most important decision, and third and fourth and fifth, depending on how many kids you have. After the fifth it's really not a decision anymore, you're locked in and keep popping out babies because you've forgotten how to do anything else other than cry. It isn't said that this is the most important decision though, because some (maybe a lot, I don't really know the figures) people don't even think about it or decide to do it. It's not even a decision that is made, it just happens because they're irresponsible and got raped or have bad luck and the condom broke, so, for these, it can't be the most important decision made, but it should have been.
There are a few reasons why having a baby is the most important decision in life and why it outranks marriage.

1. Irreversible/Unchangeable (I'm trying for Cs). In marriage, what is made - a married couple - can be unmade - into a divorced couple. But in childbirth, what is made - a baby - can not be unmade, unless you kill it, but after it's born most people don't go to that length to unmake it. Once you make the baby decision you're stuck with it. It's your child and you're the parent, and parenting is forever. Sure, people used to think (and some still do) marriage was an irreversible decision which is probably how the question of who to marry secured the spot as the most important decision for so long, but even those people, then and now, know that it isn't permanent. People die in plane crashes, car collisions even more often. You could lose your spouse, and if things were going sour you could leave or swap, and even make it on television while doing so. Even if you lose your baby, you're still a parent, just a very bad one. How do you lose your baby?! (I would probably end up losing my baby. They are tiny and so silent when they're sleeping. And I lose my keys often as it is.)

2. Creation. When/If you make the decision to make, have, keep a baby you are not just making a decision, you're making a life too. When you get married you make a 'new life' together with your spouse, but no one really cares. You two can sit in your living room and watch The Bachelor until one of you cheats, that's not a life other people in the world are worried about. But a baby's life, that gets people worried, that life has potential. A baby is a life that is going to affect your life, its life, and the lives of other people. There are other people in the world too, that this baby is going to interact with and wail in restaurants around and annoy, and then grow up and still be really irritating because you didn't give them enough attention as a child. Think of the others, there are a hell of a lot of them already. If you don't think making a life is a big decision, maybe you have the mind of a serial killer (making a life doesn't matter, taking can't be that important either), and I don't want you passing those demented genes onto children. We have enough of those already. What if you give birth to a serial killer baby (that'd be pretty impressive for a baby to pull off but you know it would never get caught. No one ever suspects the baby.)? Would you like that on your conscience (assuming you have one, what kind of person gives birth to a serial killer? Likely not one with a conscience) for the rest of your life? After all, the baby is a little bit you. You'd probably feel like rubbish about bringing another killer into the world or a cult leader who turns other children against their parents and tries to kill you.

3. Controlling. Babies are little creatures which enter your life and take control of it and you can never get it back, even when they leave, they'll return and they'll come back with babies of their own and trick you into taking care of those babies too. It's a cycle. A cycle you need to think long and hard about before entering. The child(ren) will influence every other decision you make causing it to become the mother of all decisions and thus making it the most important decision ever. After you make the decision to have a baby, you can't make any other decision without considering the child or you're a bad mother/father and child protective services might come knocking on your door (depending on how bad the decisions you're making are). The child depends on your. Your husband or wife doesn't really need you in order to breathe, eat and live (unless you married a baby in which case - gross and possibly illegal), but a baby does. A baby controls your life by being so needy and one misstep and it's dead. No one is going to come knocking at your door if you piss of your husband or wife, unless you pissed them off by punching them in the face. Remember, you can't punch your baby.

4. Incompetent/Incapable. You can't make a baby. You don't know how to raise a baby. You've never created and sustained the life of a living being before, what makes you think you can just pop out a baby and start now? Even if you think you'll be a good parent, you won't be. Being a parent is an impossible thing to succeed at. There's always something you can do wrong and a new one will be released next week, so don't bother. You'll mess up and feel like shit about it, or maybe you won't, which is just another way of messing up. Your children will inevitably disappoint you. They will not become doctors (unless you're Jewish) and they will not make millions of dollars (unless you're Jewish). Sure, maybe physically you can have a baby, but you can't really have a baby. It's not a good idea to decide to do something you're going to fail at.

5. Creepy. Having a baby is a really creepy thing to do. Taking a bit of you and mixing it around with a little bit of someone else is a creepy idea and a very disturbing impulse to have. It's a little bit vampire and a little bit Dr. Frankenstein, and whatever you've heard about either, they are not sexy. Even though sex is involved and very intimately involved in the process of making a baby, it's not sexy. You're taking sex and making it something entirely creepy and not the right way by adding school girl bear costumes. Think about this before you make a baby, because it's going to change sex for you and for everyone else around you. Don't remind your friends that if they mess up doing something they really enjoy they could end up with a child. That's going to ruin it for them. That's not what anyone want to hear before they go out to drink copious amounts of alcohol and pick up on chicks (or dicks). Plus, children themselves are creepy. They are miniaturized versions of humans. That is creepy.

5. Change. It's going to change your life. It has to. Yes, marriage changes your life as well, now you have to live with someone and account for all of your expenses and actions but a baby doesn't just change your life it changes you. It's not a positive change. It's a change for the worse. Having children doesn't make you a better person. It just makes you crazy and angry, and usually fat. When you have a baby, you start speaking in little voices. You'll think it's cute to give all of your children the same first initial. Your mind deteriorates a little bit each day you have a child and you forget how to operate in the outside world. And it only gets worse as you and it gets older. That's not change anyone can believe in.

So remember, just because you can make a baby doesn't mean you should make a baby. Think long and hard about it before you decide to ruin your body, life, and the lives of others, including your child(ren). If you're not convinced, go watch all of the Children of the Corn movies. All of them. There are 7.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

C Sickness

C is for coughcoughcough.


Cough-Cubby is bound to Catch a Cold dressed like that.

My body may be more dedicated to the xyzabet challenge than I am. For the second week of C weeks it has decided to come down with a cough and a cold. While I do admire my body's dedication, I can't say I'm enjoying it. It's nothing severe but it doesn't take much for me to stop caring and use even the faintest (and often fakest sounding) of coughs to justify sitting on the couch, eating crackers, and not doing anything else. And the Olympics sure aren't helping either. They're in Canada, it counts!

It's nothing severe and doesn't warrant a check-up (who has that kind of cash or coverage anyway?). But I might need to check some dates. I could be expired. It's feeling about that time. It's important to check...

Here's a comforting comic from picturesforsadchildren, which is appropriate because children starts with C and so does comics, also the author/illustrators last name is Campbell (another C), and I don't want to say it, but I have to, it's sometimes downright Cute (yet another C!). So, see. Also it's probably the only comic that can make you want to smile, cry, laugh, die, hide, and ooh-and-aah all at the same time leaving you conflicted and staring, and hopefully alone.
And that's another thing, if I was a child I would have a parent to comfort and care for me during my time of sickness. Instead I have my mother asking me if I sent the check. And my credit card asking for cash too. Everyone is getting on the C wagon in all the wrong ways. Get off, people!




...I think I need more cold medicine.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

C weeks! (Weeks 5-6)

Welcome to C-weeks on the xyz.

C is for confusion.

Some people think C is an unnecessary letter because, hey, don't we already have a letter that makes that sound (They're talking about K)? And they're right, we do. K is fine letter for making the harsh cutting sound at the end of bike and spike but when used at the beginning of a word it ends up looking like a juvenile attempt at creative slang from the '90s, and that's just not kewl, man. So, I hope you're convinced, from that brief explanation, that we really do need the letter C, even if only to place before the letter K to form the end of one of my favorite words.

Now that you are certain of its importance, it's time to familiarize yourself with the look of this letter.
Here's a uppercase C: C.
And here's a lowercase C: c. (Note: This could also be a capital C in a lower font size).
Uppercase and lowercase Cs look almost identical, even in cursive.
Don't confuse the letter see with the slightly similar letter G, which is a common occurrence in the U.K...apparently. In their defense, the letter C does come from the same Hebrew letter as G, but I've never heard of a ciraffe....maybe they thought it was a carafe.


When you see a lowercase c trapped in a circle that's an indication of copyright, so you probably shouldn't steal it, use it, or duplicate it for your own profit.

Like A and B, C is also a word, but it is spelled completely different and doesn't even include the letter c in it at all. Although I will still be eating a lot of See's during this week because Candy starts with C. Other things you, by which I mean I, can look forward to in the upcoming weeks are:

Cocktails
Cookies
Cheese
Coffee
Cake
and it's safe to expect some Cheating as well.

Thursday, February 4, 2010

A Bear A Day - 6

B is for back.

I dropped the ball yesterday and didn't provide a baby bear of the day, but two baby bears, secretly hidden in the B.A.R.E. post, so you're welcome.
You may remember Barry from A Bear A Day 2. He was the happy little bear (one of the only blissful baby bears we've had) and he had a thing for being on his back. Apparently this is common among baby polar bears. Baxter and Baxil enjoy lying on their backs as well. Baxil is a BONUS bear for those of you still sore about the day before. I don't know why baby polar bears enjoy being on their backs so much. Maybe they as basking in the beams of the 1 hour of sun they get each day. Maybe baby polar bears have bad balance and they fall down a lot. Maybe they are the exact genetic opposite of cats, which would explain why I like them. I'm beginning to realize there is a lot I don't know about baby polar bears. Oh well. Here are two back-to-back baby polar bears on their backs for you to banter about.
Baxter:
Baxil:
More baby bears to come - blissful, blue, black, brown, bashful, brawling and balling.

B Words

B is for blubbering babies and beautiful baubles.

I've just come from a build-your-own-burger-bar and it got me thinking. With all of the bacon, blue cheese, buttery brioche buns, burgers, burritos, beef and buffalo I've been eating (all braised in butter), not to mention the bottles upon bottles of beer I have been drinking, I am going to be B-word fat by the end of these two weeks. What's B-word fat? I'll let my good friend (future friend, just wait) Patton Oswalt explain that.

Here, watch and learn.

Related to B-word fat are Fat Fingers in which people can tell you are fat by the text messages you send because you can't avoid hitting two letters at once. This can also apply to e-mails written. So when you're fat, no phone calls, no texts, no e-mails. When in this state it's best to cease all communication with others until you lose some weight. Just sit at home and sing the Boggis, Bunce and Bean song from Fantastic Mr. Fox until you no longer complete disgust yourself and scare small children. I'm not at that point quite yet but chili, corndogs and chowders in C weeks sure aren't going to help. But I'll worry about that later, for now I'm going to go eat bon-bons balanced on brownies in a boat of barbeque sauce with a bottle of bourbon.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

BARE


B is for 'bear'ity.

In honor of B weeks, I'm starting a B-centric program for bears, because bears, especially baby ones are creatures that I care a lot about. No baby bear should ever be served porridge only to have it gobbled up by a greedy, ungrateful blonde human child. The cries of "Someone's been eating my porridge and they ate it all up!" must be silenced. I've mentioned the program before in previous posts, but today I'll tell you a little more about it. I can't let my concern hibernate any longer.


It's called BARE, and yes, it's an acronym: Bear Abuse Resistance Education, and no, I didn't steal it. I borrow; it's B-weeks.
It's no walk in the hundred-acre woods for baby bears these days. Life in among the trees is really tough and it's only getting tougher. Pressures from bear peers and even respected leaders in the bear community (Smokey the Bear...you should be ashamed) are causing young bears to pursue a life of drugs and alcohol, leading to violence and it needs to stop. Just the other day, research observers captured the scene pictured at right. Two baby bears all hopped on who knows what ready to brawl it out just for their next fix. The subsequent pictures are far too disturbing to show. The mission of BARE is two fold - evidenced by the two slogans on the extremely well-made poster: To keep baby bears from the temptations of drugs and the tragedies that result and to prevent the abuse of baby bears, whether it be by humans or their own kind. Within the year, I and a group of trained bear specialists and drug experts will be entering local forests to educate baby bears and their parents on the dangers of drugs and the importance of a healthy diet.

If you care at all about the declining bear populations across the globe and you can not longer bear to see baby bears strung out and suffering, consider donating to this worthy and highly legitimate cause and making BARE you new charity (bearity) for the year. I BARE you.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

A Bear A Day - 5

B is for Best.

Now I'm not biased, because this is an adorabearability competition afterall, but if I had to pick the best baby bear it would be the baby panda bear by far. Of course, this will in no way affect the results of the competition. But the baby panda bear is one baby bear that can't be beat.

This one in particular is a winner. Blip is a baby panda bear who loves bamboo and staring contests.
Ready....3...2...1...STARE!

Bad News Bear

B is for BARE.

Undoubtedly this is bouncing around the internets, and it's B weeks so it bounced over here too. A baby (teddy) bear was found full of mushrooms in little baggies, the kinds of mushrooms not suitable for cooking but for blowing your brains out. Poor bear didn't know what was in him. He seems to be doing fine now, though it must be kind of humiliating sitting in that bin with just a scarf and his tag still on.

If a bear you know has a problem with drugs or alcohol you should probably just let him be. I'm sure he has a good reason for it. Plus I don't think any support groups exist at this time. I'm working on starting BARE - to keep Bears of Drugs, but I'm having some funding issues. Help if you can. I accept all forms of currency.


Photo and news via boingboing.net (for the Bs) via another site that actually has the scoop, and a pretty graphic photo of the hole in the bear's bum.

Monday, February 1, 2010

B Dinner

B is for Burgers!

A little behind, but the other night, Saturday I believe, I made Baby Bacon, Bleu Cheese Buffalo Burgers on Brioche Buns and they were unbelievable. To accompany these B burgers I also made Boston Baked Beans and, of course, for the beverage - beer. (I didn't make the beer.)
Burgers: A+

They were pretty big for babies and really filling. Buffalo meat is like beef but sweet, it only takes a little seasoning and a little cooking as it's best medium rare, like most red meats. The Bacon was standard thick strip bacon crisped before hand. I used sliced bleu cheese is kind of bizarre considering the crumbly nature of bleu cheese but it held its shape alright and melted well. Home-made brioche buns, or even store bought, are probably the most dangerous thing to keep in the house because they are addicting and consist of about a pound of butter. They were soft, spongy, with a slight crisp on top and held the burgers together surprisingly well.

Beans: B

This was my first go at 'authentic' Boston Baked Beans. Nothing was canned but
I did use a lot of bottles - ketchup, bbq sauce, mustard, worchestershire and a few others a blinding grabbed. Baked Beans take hours upon hours (about 4) to bake to the perfect consistency, but in the end it was worth it.



Beer: A-

St. Bernardus Belgian Ale.
I had never tried this beer before but it seemed appropriate with it being named after a B saint and also a Belgian Ale. It was really smooth and soft with a nice caramelly flavor and color. It was a bit sweet at first but became really enjoyable. I'd imBibe it again.

A Bear A Day - 4

B is for Brown.

A Bear A Day is back for the fourth day and the second week of Bs. Today's bear is an adorable baby brown bear that just can't bear to take anymore. Someone get this bear some Blow. Or maybe just some bon-bons. What do baby bears eat? Brownies? I hope it's something that starts with B.

Here's Boddington, who has hopefully seen better days:
And some Boddington's:
Almost the same color.

B Advice

It's February, so I've decided to take some time to help the troubled lovers as Valentine's Day approaches, while remaining in the purview of these weeks. So, let's talk about boyfriends and break-ups. I'm highly qualified to discuss this topic as I've never been broken up with (WIN), although that is because, until recently, I had never had a boyfriend, but still, highly qualified nonetheless.
The difference between boy friends and boyfriends? Space. No, not outer space. Though you probably do select your boyfriends by determining which one of your boy friends does not like StarWars or Star Trek (pretends not to), or which one does have a spaceship-shaped bed. But I mean normal space. See that there: [ ]. In between those brackets. It's a space. That's the only difference between a boy friend and a boyfriend: space. Not just typographically, but some other -allys as well. If there's space between you and a boy who you consider to be your boyfriend, emotionally, mentally, intellectually, physically, comedically, geographically, he's just your boy friend. If there's no space between you and that boy you consider your 'best boy friend' and 'just like one of the girls', you better break it to him that he's your boyfriend and isn't gay afterall, even if you're not boning.
Here's a list to help you understand spaces of different kinds:
  • Emotional - He cried just watching the cover of Marley and Me
  • Mental - "Soduko with letters? That's sooo much harder."
  • Intellectual - "What are you reading?" "A book by John Locke." "He wrote a book?!" "Uh, yeah, he wrote a few." "Does it explain why there are polar bears on the island?" "What?" "John Locke. From Lost." "No, the philosopher." "What?"
  • Physical - He gets tired listening to the song, and thinks farts and burps count as "body talk". (...more like bawdy talk.)
  • Comedic - The fact that something is not true is his sole criterion for comedy. Ex. "What color is that school bus?" "Blue. Ha. Get it?" "That you're color blind?"
  • Geographic - Where he lives, it's already tomorrow.
  • Numerical - "I remember Titanic." "The movie?" "No, the disaster." "From the movie?" "From 1912."
If these don't bother you, then don't break up, but if they do, remember, go BIG with your break-ups. That's what they really mean when they say to leave the relationship as the 'bigger person.' You gotta be Bad, you gotta be Bold, you gotta be...BIGGER.
All those things he never did for you on Valentine's Days past, you can do now.
Break Up Cake.
Break Up Skywriting.
Break Up Dinner. (Don't forget to break some plates on your way out. Bigger bill!)
Break Up Vacation. (One-way ticket for One to Budapest.)
Break Up in a Box (It's not a ring!)
Rule of Thumb: Go out with a Bang or a Beating. It's not a real break-up unless someone breaks some bones and leaves battered, bruised, or bloodied. Just ask Chris Brown.
I know I'm going BIG. Let's just say, when my boyfriend says "Man, she just dropped a bomb on me" he'll mean it, literally! BOMB. (Video features Black cowBoys, bombs, and Bling.)