A Bit 'Bout Bs

The letter B is the second letter in the Latin alphabet, or the American alphabet if referring to alphabet as Latin confuses or offends you. It's the letter grade overachievers never want to receive in school because it lowers their GPA and underachievers never want to receive in school because it's impossible to turn into an A without whiteout and some serious bolding. It's also the letter grade that will cause you to pause before entering a restaurant if posted outside. "I'm sure their ice machine was just broken on the day of the inspection. Bad luck!"

For those of you unfamiliar with the letter B here's a uppercase one: B
and a lowercase one: b.
They look about the same.
Here they are bigger and bolder: B and b.
Get out some paper and try drawing them on your own. If you can't figure it out, hold your paper up to the screen and trace it until you get it.

This is a lowercase D: d.
Don't get confused. I hear a lot of people mistake these two letters. I'm sure there is a clever way to remember the difference between lowercase Bs and Ds that they teach children in elementary school but I don't know it, because I only confuse lowercase Bs and Ps. So, just don't be dumb, figure it out. There you go, they both point to the outside of the word 'dumb'. How's that for helpful? I just hope you can spell.

Plural of B is Bs or bes, but not bees, that's a bug.

Bumblebees bitch 'bout buzzing when blarringly bright because they are blind.
The sentence 'bove has 9 Bs/bes in it. Can you find them?

B is also the name of a woman but usually it is spelled Bea and is referring to a man in a dress.

Like A, B is also a word but it's easier to tell in a sentence because an E follows it, or two if you're talking about the bugs.

Don't make any bets during B weeks you'll lose billions of bucks! (There are no numbers except billion with the letter b in it.)

And yet A-nother A Dinner - Autumn Apple Stew

A is for Apple.

Apples, apples, apples, that's the first food that comes to mind when people think of a food that starts with A. I blame those alphabet signs and cards from kindergarten. The A is forever associated with Apples in people's minds. It was in my mind when I made Autumn Apple Pork Stew (I know it's not autumn but I need whatever As I can get.). I also made Astypalaian Yellow Biscuits which are from the Astypalaia island of Greece. The two made for an interesting pairing. American and Greek, not too international. I'm not Greek, I just happen to be preparing a lot of Greek food during these A weeks. I guess they like the letter A associated with their food over there.
Autumn Apple Pork Stew: A-
I'll start with a confession, I made this stew in a crockpot, not exactly gourmet or culinaristically advanced, I know, but convenient. The stew contained actual apples (Granny Smith), apple juice and apple cider vinegar, in addition to other 'stewy' ingredients, like vegetables, and then pork. Similar to the mishap during the asparagus soup pureeing process, the stewing stew overflowed a bit and spilled some liquid onto the counter. I may have overfilled the crockpot a tad, but that can't be the reason why. My brother who not only cleaned up the mess but spun the mishap as well, said that spills ensure success. And he was right. The stew ended up tasting pretty good, although somewhat sweet due to all of the appley ingredients. I could have gone for some more saltiness and earthiness, but that didn't stop me from eating it. If I make it again, I'll add some ale in addition to the apple sauce, probably instead of the water.
Astypalaian Biscuits: A?
I had never made these before. I came across the recipe on epicurious looking for recipes and dishes that start with the letter A. They sounded interesting so I thought I'd try them. I can't think of anything similar to them so they're tough to explain. And I didn't quite follow the recipe perfectly. I did splurge and by some saffron though, but only because it was half price. Almost $9 for 1 oz. The culinarians crack. I formed the 'biscuits' (they are nothing like your standard bicuits, except ever so slightly in texture) into rings, or 'crowns as the recipe calls them, and baked them, but I opted to not bake them the second time around, because they tasted good the first way, and they were fully baked. I was concerned the second baking would try them out, but I'm going to give it a try with a few just to check. There's allspice in them and you can taste it. They're spicy and kind of sweet, fluffy and a little flaky. They are certainly like nothing I've made or tasted before, but I think I like them.

Recipes: stew. biscuits.

A Book

A is for American Dream

As promised, mostly to myself, I started reading an A-book. I went for A by title not by author and selected An American Dream by Norman Mailer, an American Author (just look at those As). I quickly realized I had not read a thing by Mailer even though he's kind of famous. Despite the star-spangled banner of a title, the picture painted in this novel is no Normal Rockwell with housewives in red dresses in houses with white pickett fences and husbands with blue suits. In short, the book is about a man who attempts to commit suicide then changes his mind and decides to kill his wife because the moon tells him too (this all in the first chapter). That's something most Americans wouldn't dream of, but Mailer was no ordinary American. He almost killed his own wife (the second of six) in 1960 with a penknife...at a party. A true American, that man. An American Dream was released in 1964.

Here's an excerpt:

There are times when I like to think I still have my card in the intellectual's guild, but I seem to be joining compoany with that horde of the mediocre and the mad who listen to popular songs and act upon coincidence.

Here's an image of the bookcover featuring a picture strikingly similar to the one of Mailer above. How much of Mailer's American Dream was a real dream of his? Who knows?

Here are some other American things I like that seem quite unAmerican at times:

American Beauty (film)

American Psycho (film)

American Apparel (store)

And some American things that are wholly American which I do not care for:

American Idol (TV)

American Eagle (store)

American Girl (dolls)

There, now you have your answers prepared for when you are on American game show Family Feud and whoever the host is says, "Top 6 answers on the board, 100 people polled, and were asked to complete the phrase "American ______"

A-nother A Dinner - Asparagus Avgolemono

A is for Avgolemono

Last night's dinner was A-themed but really nothing to announce over the webs: Arby's and Ales (yes, sometimes I eat fast food too, just like you, so don't be an ass about it.). Tonight, I decided to actually make something again. Adhering to the theme, I made Asparagus Avgolemono with Dill and Asiago Crostini. Greek with a little Italian on the side. That's what I call international cuisine. Before you go assuming I've completely lost it and have started to make up words in order to have a-named menu items, avgolemono is a real thing, even wikipedia says so, which is the most reliable source I could think of to prove that I didn't invent this word or dish. Maybe you can think of another. Avgolemono is a soup consisting of egg, lemon juice, broth and other ingredients for flavor, in this case asparagus (also leeks, onion, and celery). Avgolemono can be served hot or cold, but cold soups are, mostly, disgusting and can become an odd consistency so I served mine hot. Also, because my brother is scared of cold soup. And, just to clear things up, Asiago is a real cheese too, from a real place of the same name. Proof.

Soup: A.

All in all it was a success. The soup (see fig. a, at right) blended to a nice, smooth consistency, although a bit thin at first, but upon further heating it was superb and thickened. There was a bit of a mishap during the blending process. While attempting to lock the pitcher onto the base I inadvertently unscrewed the bottom of the pitcher and lost a little liquid, but caught in time, and with the aid of my sous chef, salvaged dinner. The eggs didn't curdle and the result was a lovely light asparagus green soup, that tasted good as well. Note: Soup warrants A grade only when hot.
Crostini: A.
Toasty and tasty. The asiago cheese was a surprisingly complimentary taste to the soup. Simple but a nice side. Details you can't see: I brushed the breads with garlic olive oil before topping them with grated asiago.

This time I even made a dessert, of sorts, and after dinner snack, if you will. It's more of a breakfast bread, but it's not for the B weeks. It has A ingredients. I made mini Apricot Almond Loaves. Epicurious calls it 'gift bread.' I don't really know what that means, but it makes them sound fruit cakey and despite the presence of dried fruit (apricots), they really aren't like fruit cake, and by that I mean terrible. I do know I won't be giving them to anyone except myself.
Bread: A.
The bread has great flavor and a nice moist consistency. I Containing perfectly small diced dried apricots (compliments of my sous chef brother aggressively wielding an ulu knife [from Alaska!]) and slivered almonds, the bread has sweet and salty components, in addition to soft and crunchy elements for a taste that earns the A. The secret ingredient is Almond extract. Oh, and I omitted the icing, because it's bread, not a cupcake.


More to come on Ales and other A drinks I have been consuming these past two weeks in an upcoming post brought to you by the letter A.

Recipes: soup. bread.

A mint

A is for Altoids...aah, what?

Alright, it's been about a week since I started eat..er, chew?, snackin?, consum...since I bought a tin of Altoids, for one not-so-obvious reason - I have no self-control or patience when in line at the market and one very obvious reason - Altoids starts with an A. I've never been much of a mint or gum person. They say choose one, no need; I can choose none. There are not two types of people: mint or gum people just like there are not cat or dog people, because neither one is better than the other. Both are terrible in one way or usually more than one. And Altoids are a great example of that, but gum is gross. Sure, but Altoids are, well...
Expensive. I purchased a tin of these 'curiously strong mints' for $2.39 which averages to about $.09 per mint, or $.27 per serving. That's right. The people at Callard & Bowser recommend that you have 3 mints at one time. Considering the texture and color of Altoids, that would be similar to chewing on a 3 inch piece of chalk that happens to somewhat mask what you ate for lunch. I don't know why Altoids doesn't market exclusively to teachers. I also don't know if people actually have three Altoids at a time, but if I saw someone - particularly an instructor of some kind - gnawing on three of these powerful, white, powdery pills I would probably be as disturbed and disgusting as I am when I see someone smacking chewing gum. So, good job Altoids, you managed to make your breath-freshening substitute just as disgusting as it's chewy competitor with your serving suggestions.
Everywhere. Due to the decline in use of chalk boards in classrooms, Altoids does not market exclusively to educators, but they do advertise, boy do they ever advertise. Altoids wanted to be the Absolut Vodka of the mint world in the late '90s. Altoids advertises so extensively you would think they were offering you a product you've never heard of that is revolutionary in design and will significantly alter your life if not your view of mankind as well, but they aren't. It's a mint. They are trying to sell you a mint. If you need a mint, you'll buy a mint. Oh, but these are 'celebrated' mints, scratch that, the 'original celebrated' mint. Because we all know tic-tacs have been using up all of the party favors and confetti since they hit the scene. But goddamnit if Altoids weren't celebrated first. Celebrated for what, it doesn't matter. The fact that they claim to be celebrated at all is ridiculous and another reason they don't need to advertise. Do you know what else is celebrated? Birthdays, Holidays, fucking Christmas. These things don't advertise. You don't see birthdays taking up billboard space saying, 'Guess what comes once a year that you just cannot miss and you will love? Suspiciously Powerful Birthdays, bitch!' No, that does not happen, because we know. Altoids, we know.
Disturbing. It's not just that there are advertisements for Altoids, it's also the type of advertisements there are for Altoids. What kind of advertisements are those? Creepy. Altoids' advertisements are creepy and they always have been. Remember this one? Want to stick this retro-dominatrix cat lady near your mouth? Uh, no thanks Altoids. How about this one?

Testosteroids - freshens breath, sprouts genitalia! Ingredients: testosterone, peppermint. Packaged in a factory that uses nuts.

Altoids are intent on comparing itself with pain and manliness, so they can keep up this strong image, but not just strong, remember, curiously strong, which is why they also invite, encourage and demand, comparisons to drugs. C'mon Altoids, that's not going to make the other mints on the shelves think you're cool, just say no to equating yourself with drugs. Altoids is the attention hungry teenager that is constantly pretending to be something that it's not. And just like that teenager, it think it's original...and the first. Creepy, Altoids, creepy.

You can see all of the creepy Altoids ads on their website, presented in the most irritating manner possible.

A Word

A is for asperity

My good friends - they have no idea who I am - over at A Word A Day decided to help me out for week 2 of the As and assign an A word as today's word. The word is asperity which they claim comes from the Latin asper meaning rough, which, I'm sure you don't know, is the same Latin root from which the term Asperger's Syndrome originates. And that is one rough syndrome, so the connection is clear. Asperity means harshness or roughness. Do not confuse this word with the similar word, aspery, which means resembling or exhibiting qualities of Asperger's Syndrome.
Try to use either of these words (or both!) in a sentence today. Here are some examples to get you started:
Lining my pants with sandpaper has resulted in an asperity that is causing blood to drip down my leg and onto the floor.
Avoiding eye contact with people directly in front of him and fixating instead on the bubbles in the water cooler, my co-worker seems a little aspery today.
The child's aspery behavior in the restaurant grated with great asperity on all of my senses.
Alright, that's enough, now think of your own.

For more words starting with A and other letters get yourself A Word A Day, start today, or Another day, or not At All, I'm Apathetic toward your Actions and Activities.

A Picture

A is for Airplane

As I was out and About in my Area I came Across a picture-worthy A item (see Above). This Airplane was randomly situated Along a path that Appeared to be a well-established hobo-Alley. The Airplane stood at the entry of the Alley, at least from the direction I came, as if to protect the hobos, or provide them with a mode of escape when under Attack. Considering the number of bags (paper and plastic), stained sleeping bags and piles of ripped, dirty clothing that were left unattended while their owners - as much as a hobo can be an owner of Anything - set off to Acquire food, I Assume the airplane is doing its part to protect the hobo community in downtown Santa Ana, or maybe it was All of the cop cars parked at the end of hobo-Alley responsible for that.
Nay-sayers may say, 'Nay, this is not a plane, but a jet.' And to them I say, 'Does it fly in the AIR dissecting the sky along a lateral PLANE?' Answer: Yes, it does. So shut up. It is an Airplane, but for those insistent on referring to the item in the Aforementioned picture as a jet, expect to see this image Again during the J weeks, then yet again during Ps.

A Band

A is for audible

Since I'm only listening to A artists/bands these next two weeks I needed to add to my collection. Ace of Base came to mind immediately, because they are awesome. Sure, I've heard the groundbreaking The Sign and even own it on CD, but what about the others? The lesser known Ace of Base albums. Were there any others? I needed to find out, so I went to the interwebs to search, but I got impatient and lazy and just started downloading. Turns out there are others. In an attempt to obtain Ace of Base's discography I acquired 392 songs by them spanning over 30 albums. Who knew these Swedes were such prolific musicians. Well, no one, because they aren't. Most of the songs are singles with remixes and club mixes and the must-have instrumental karaoke versions of songs from their actual albums (of which there are only four) and the completely unnecessary acoustic versions, but iTunes doesn't give a shit. If it has a different name, different album art, hell, even if it doesn't have any album art and has the same name but one letter is capitalized it puts it as a completely different album. So it looks like I love Ace of Base (and Ace Of Base, also Ase of Base since some people can't spell), which isn't entirely untrue. Do I need all of these Ace of Base mixes, remixes, house mixes, club mixes, extended versions, single versions, house of joy club mix, club bump mix, acoustic versions and radio edits? No, not at all. Will I listen to them? Hell yes. Will I sing along? Probably. I might even carry this into the next two weeks...base starts with B, and, you know, Ace has a C in it...
Ace of Base Song of the Day: All that She Wants.

Watch, listen and Adore.

A Webcomic

A is for Achewood

Since I'm letting letters spell out my daily activities as much as possible I'm going to be indirectly revealing a bit about myself. I read webcomics at work because my cursed, outdated work computer has no Flash leaving me with no access to Flash videos, music players that require Flash, or Flash games, or any of the other wonderful things I am completely unaware of because of my lack of Flash. Webcomics don't require Flash so they quickly became my 8-5 companions.

Achewood is an incredible place unlike any in the world wide web or the real world, though like both places it does contain 'adult content' not suitable for children - it's named after an ingredient in an illegal liquor afterall. Despite how much you or they think illustrations of talking cats are designed for children, send them elsewhere. The storylines sound like those you'd hear in an AA (theme!) gathering, if you ever attended an AA meeting consisting mostly of cats, and if you drink enough, you probably have. With characters that are endearingly demented and unnervingly relatable, you'll never want to leave. Luckily with years of achives and semi-regular updates so you won't have to, at least not for a while.

http://www.achewood.com/
Tip: Always read the Alt-text.

Weeks A(1*-2)

Weeks A - January 11 - 24.

A day behind, but ah well. This is the start of my bi-weekly project, which could mean either two times a week or every two weeks because Webster allows for contradictory definitions to the same word, so we'll go with fortnightly.
Fortnights start on Monday and end on Sunday of the following week.

For the next fortnight my life will revolve around the letter A, as much as I can possibly force it. So I should probably get to know this letter a little better.

Here's a capital (or uppercase, for you communists) letter A: A.
Here's a miniscule (or lowercase) letter A: a.
The plural of a is aes, a's or As, the possessive is A's as in, "these are A's weeks".
Some people/fonts draw lowerclass aes with a hat, like this font: a (Trebuchet) others do not, but none of those fonts are available to me at this time you'll have to imagine it. If you're bad at imagining, grab a piece of paper and write an a, lowercase. Odds are you do not put hats on your aes unless they are going out for a formal evening or you are a 11 year old girl attempting to craft an identity through 'cutesy' or 'unique' handwriting. If you are, stop it. The typographical term for the A's hat is 'double-story', leaving the hatless a to be called a single-story a, but no one is living in these aes or riding them around London so hat it is.

That's all for now about the letter A. More later. SPOILER ALERT: It's a word too!

*not the steak sauce, though I probably should stock up.