Since it was the first think I could think of that started with G (after goats, and I wasn't going to raise one of those), I decided to start, no, start isn't the right word, attempt gardening. I had some suitable planters in my backyard but unfortunately they were overgrown with unidentifiable plants which had roots that looked like veins. I'm not a planter or an ecologist or even an 'outdoor' person (my thumbs are the furthest color from green) but judging from the root structure of the plants, I'd say they had been there about one to two thousand years, but I could be wrong.
Although I'm not expecting great results, mostly because I've been told I will not yield great results, 'gardening', or my version of it, has proven to be fertile ground for thinking, so here are some of my thoughts on gardening. Call them plants for thought... Why does it work with food? Maybe my brain will grow but I doubt it.
Garden Thoughts
- Probably should have worn gloves to avoid the similarity between my arms and teenage cutters' arms.
- Maybe I should have told these critters (snails, spiders, bugs, etc.) that they were getting evicted. I'm sure they would have appreciated the notice. I know I would have. I hope they don't come destroy my home as payback.
- Snails, okay. Spiders, sure. Lizards?!? What the Fuck?
- Don't get into a tug-o-war with a well-rooted plant. You will lose and you will snack your hand into a nearby cement brink wall.
- Spiders don't have much familial loyalty. Many babies were abandoned because they couldn't keep up with their fleeing parents.
- Planting seeds and then abandoning them to die (which I will inevitably do because I am a quitter) feels kind of like an abortion. The least I could do is give them an enjoyable death. Tomorrow I will 'water' my plants with beer. Seed-al Alcohol Syndrome.
- Rollie-pollies aren't as talented as you think. They can't really roll up and turn themselves over. I watched one struggle to grasp at a thin swing to help itself flip over. I guess the ground underneath him was too uneven. I wonder how that happened. Huh...
- Do the inventors of the hoe know the corners are much more useful than the flat edge?
- This would be a lot easier if I was shorter or lower to the ground. No wonder garden gnomes are so good at this. I gotta get me one of those.
Hm, I don't think there's water in that can...
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